When my children were young, one of the greatest joys I experienced (though at the time I
did not recognize it as such) was being “everything”. I was the source of
nourishment, entertainment, comfort, security, wisdom, the fount of all
knowledge, and anything else they needed and/or wanted. I was their first choice.
That changed as my children grew. Some things changed quickly, others more slowly. As my children grew more independent, I began to be replaced piece by piece.
Friends, extended family, video games, books, and television became more
entertaining than mom.
Wikipedia and Google now contain the source of all knowledge.
Taco Bell, Chick-Fil-A, pizza, and just "eating out" are often preferred to meals at
home (unless I make spaghetti, anything pasta, or potstickers).
Peers and adult leaders provide many of the answers they seek. Not only am I no longer the primary source of wisdom,
sometimes I don’t even get asked the question.
This could make me depressed, and I confess to experiencing some “waves of
sadness” over the last couple of weeks as I have pondered these things. But the
more I ponder, the more "okay" I become.
I am not "okay" because I am tired of being their mother and am ready for them to leave me alone. I am not "okay" because "they'll be back when they figure out how wise and wonderful I am". I am not "okay" because I am some super woman who can rise above it all.
I am "okay" because I love them. I love them with a mother's heart, and my love is learning to let them be who they are.
Love means I don't hold on. Love means I don't demand. Love means I let them grow. Love means I'm always here for them, whether they choose me or not.
I like Mother's Day. Not because I get attention (I'm actually rather uncomfortable with that), but because it reminds me that I have the greatest honor and privilege in the world - being mom to my three children.
Labels: growing up, independence, mother's day, okay