Fear of Commitment

Your ticket ma'am?
My husband and I were at dinner last night at a loud, unusually warm, cheap pizza place. Actually our kids were there with their youth group and for transportation purposes we decided we would eat there too, but we sat at a table back out of the way so as not to "cramp their style". While we were sitting there a friend came up and chatted for a few minutes. During our conversation he shared his holiday vacation plans for he and his son. They have a great trip planned and he had used frequent flier miles, hotel rewards, and e-mail watch lists for bargains. In telling us how he'd booked it all, it came out that he had reserved the airline tickets last March.

After he left my husband and I just looked at each other in amazement - the idea of committing to something nine months before the event (sounds like a pregnancy doesn't it?) was incredible and foreign to us. We talked about that a bit and my husband even asked the question wondering how we had gotten this way. I think the furthest out we've ever made commitments in traveling is three months, we're always too afraid something might happen. (Though we agreed we couldn't remember anything ever happening that hindered our plans.) Even when we went out of the country (Israel) a few years ago, we were taking the place of someone else who had backed out of the trip - so we made those plans not quite four months ahead of the trip.

I've been thinking about it some more, and I think I have some clues of how I got here (I don't know about my husband's reasons).

  1. I am afraid to commit the money in case something happens. Money was never plentiful growing up and I have a tendency to be scared to spend money.
  2. Along with the above, I always want to get the best deal out there so that I am not being wasteful with our money and I hesitate to make a decision on spending.
  3. I moved around a lot as a kid. I wonder if perhaps that made me uncertain of the future so I don't like to plan that far in advance. 
  4. I worry about being prideful, and planning something major for myself seems selfish.
The good news is, in spite of not being willing to commit more than three or four months ahead - we have managed as both a couple and a family to travel quite a bit. Earlier posts on this blog will show many of the places we have been, and I don't expect our traveling days are over yet.

So I will explore this fear of commitment (thankfully it does not include fear of relationships) a bit more in my head. I want to learn more about what makes me tick the way I do so that I can grow. 

I believe you can be too old to change - but I'm not there yet!

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