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(Disclaimer: This was written Wednesday during a "hissy fit". I still have the issues to work with, but I'm in a much better mood now.)
I've always been a goody-two shoes. Part of it is my personality (passive), part of it my upbringing (preacher's kid). I'm a people pleaser and it's hard work. I'm not a doormat, but I want people to be happy. I hate controversy and conflict.
It seems like all around me I see people (in my life, my husband's life, and my kids' lives) who lie, steal, cheat, and only say they're sorry when they get caught. Their lives go on with no apparent consequences, and in fact they often get their way and go on to success in whatever they endeavor.
I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. FB is great for staying in touch with friends, posting pictures, seeing their kids, sharing funny stories and links. It also lets people take potshots. If you respond a firestorm ensues. Just look at the people you know who posted some seemingly innocent (to them) statement about religion, politics, or family and see the explosion of comments about it. Suddenly the poster becomes some evil character with malicious intent. Some people can put anything out there and they don't care what happens next. For me, I can't respond because I think of all the possible ramifications. It's best if I stay silent. Anything I say will be wrong. I'm doomed. I think I'll stay off for awhile, maybe I'll add it to my Lent "give ups" (along with fast food french fries, candy, and ice cream). My posts here will be automatically posted to Facebook with NetworkedBlogs - but it's better if I stay away for now.
I'm sick and tired of being in the middle. I can't win. I worry that if I post things about trips we take or great things happening for my kids or my husband or heaven forbid myself - it looks like bragging. I worry that if I don't respond correctly it will look like I don't care. I thought by this point in my life I'd be over it. I'm better than I was 20 years ago, but it's still a struggle.
I am coming to grips with the fact that people are going to do and think whatever they want no matter what I do or don't say. Trying to do what's best for everyone only bites me in the butt (growing up "butt" was practically cussing - look how far I've come). I think I'll move to Australia or Alaska, but then I'd be abandoning my responsibilities and that will bite me in the butt too. Maybe I can just get a lobotomy so I don't think about everything. Bet Dr. Spaceman from 30 Rock can get me a good deal.
Sorry for the temper tantrum and pity party. I'll get over it soon, but probably not before this post bites me in the butt too.
P.S. About 95% of my life is terrific, it's the 5% that's getting to me at the moment. It will pass.
P.S.S. Obviously I need to lose myself in a very involved book so I can stop THINKING! Suggestions?Labels: controversy, Facebook, Sheila Siler